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Invasion! post by Vallera
July 2000
Category Role-Playing (4)
Topic Elanthian Humor (23)
Message A Gemstone junkies ultimate nightmare (165)
By S1SCORPION@PLAY.NET (Vallera)
On Jul 15, 2000 at 21:41This was posted a number of years ago, and today I managed to get a copy of it from a good friend of mine. Since it's been so long, I thought I'd repost it. This has always been one of my favorites. I also had to do a considerable amount of editing to get it to post so it was readable. For some reason, when cut and pasted, it just doesn't come out the way it's supposed to look. It's still a little choppy in some places, but you'll get the idea. Original text written by Lord Stiles Valnorin, and Lord Kilinan E'thrias.
We hope ye all get a laugh from this creative little bit of narration...although looking around this place, I'm not so sure it couldn't actually become reality!
Just for clarification, myself and the roomie are both named Scott...so hereafter, I will be referred to as Scott #1 and he will be Scott #2. (Confusing, hey? :) ) Keep in mind that we are both bachelors, but the scenes depicted here may not reflect the actual state of our apartment. (No...really.... ) Enjoy...and watch your back! It's a long one, but it's worth it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Gemstone Junkie's Ultimate Nightmare...
>glan my watch
You glance at the watch on your wrist - It reads "3:00 AM"
>yawn
You yawn
>look
[Master Bedroom] The fumbled mess in this room is unbelieveable. Empty cans, boxes, and various other items lie scattered about the floor, along with assorted clothing. A bed sits in in one corner under the window, through which the faint streetlights illuminate a barren street, devoid of any life whatsoever. You also see a computer desk with a chair in front of it, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, a cigarette box, a cigarette box, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, an ashtray with some stuff in it, and a dirty dinner plate with some stuff on it. Obvious exits: None
>go desk
You pull out the chair and flop down at the desk.
>l in my shirt pocket
In the worn shirt pocket you see an empty book of matches, a crumpled piece of paper, and a ball of fuzzy blue lint.
>'Uh oh...
You say, "Uh oh...."
>fidget
You fidget
>furrow brow
You furrow your brow, probably adding a wrinkle or two in the process...
>glan cig box
You glance at a cigarette box.
>smile box
You smile at the cigarette box.
>l in cigarette box
There is nothing in there.
>'Doh!
You exclaim, "Doh!"
>l in second cig box
There is nothing in there.
>babble
You babble uncontrollably
>fla
>fla
>grum
You flail your arms about wildly
You flail your arms about wildly
You grumble
>pale
>gasp
You feel the blood drain from your face
You gasp
>fid
You fidget
>heal
You have a case of sporadic convulsions
Maximum HP's: 160
Remaining HP's : 160
You are feeling pretty good
Maximum Spirit: 10
Remaining Spirit: 10
>l in ashtray
In the ashtray you see a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a half-smoked cigarette, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, a cigarette butt, and a lot of other stuff.
>'YES!!!
You exclaim, "YES!!!
>get half from ash
You remove a half-smoked cigarette from the ashtray
>get lighter
You pick up a lighter
>measure lighter
The lighter only has one dose left
>light half with lighter
You put the half-smoked cigarette in your mouth and flick the spindle on the lighter. It flares brightly for a few moments before your quick movement of it towards the cigarette blows out the flame. That was the last of it.
>grum
>fla
You grumble
You flail your arms about wildly
>drop lighter
You drop an empty lighter
>kick light
You stub your toe trying to kick the empty lighter!
>open drawer
You pull open a cracked desk drawer
>l in drawer
In the cracked desk drawer you see a pencil, a pen, a pen, a pen, a pen, a piece of torn paper, an eraser, a calculator, and a worn book of matches.
>get match from desk
You remove a worn book of matches from the desk drawer.
>l in match
In the worn book of matches you see a burnt match, a burnt match, a burnt match, and a match.
>get match
You carefully tear a match from the worn book of matches
>light match
Drawing the match across the strike-plate on the book, you smile in satisfaction as the smell of sulfur fills your nose and the match head explodes in flames, burning brightly.
>light cig with match
You light the half-smoked cigarette with the match.
>smoke half
You take a drag on the half-smoked cigarette. Your twitching subsides. That was the last of it.
>sigh contentedly
You sigh contentedly
>put butt in ash
As you place a cigarette butt in the ashtray, you smile to yourself at having cleaned up the surrounding area.
Suddenly, a dark shadow inches across the ceiling and a cold wind whips through the room, scattering loose objects into the corners.
>raise eye
You give your eyebrow a little workout
You hear Scott #1 yell, "INVASION!!!"
>'What the...
You say, "What the..."
>act glance about nervously...
(Scott #2 glances about nervously...)
You hear Scott #1 yell, "HELP ME!!!"
You hear Scott #1 yell, "ACK!!!"
You hear Scott #1 yell, "EEP!!!"
>get my keys
You remove a glittering steel keychain from your pants pocket.
>raise keys
You raise your keychain triumphantly!
>st
You scoot the chair back and stand up.
>go hall
You move through the open master bedroom door
[Apartment, Hallway] The worn carpet feels slightly crunchy under your bare feet as you step through the doorway. A faint light emanates from a living room to the north. You also see an open master bedroom door and an open bedroom door. Obvious exits: none
>go bed door
[Side Bedroom] A haze of smoke hangs solidly in the air here...you must stop for a moment to aclimate yourself to it before moving again. A window on the far wall shows the dark night beyond and the single bed in the room shows no signs of having been slept in. You also see an empty soda can, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, a cigarette box, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, a cigarette box, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, a cigarette box, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, a cigarette box, a cigarette box, a cigarette box, a cigarette box, an empty soda can, an empty soda can, a dirty dinner plate with some stuff on it, and a lot of other stuff... Also in room: Scott #1 who is lying down Obvious exits: none
Scott #1 gasps
Scott #1 babbles uncontrolably
Scott #1 struggles to stand, but fails
>app Scott #1
You take a careful appraisal of Scott #1's wounds: He has a minor head injury, a left leg injury, a fractured and bleeding right leg, a completely severed right arm, and a severe concussion. He is bleeding heavily from the right arm. He is bleeding moderately from the right leg.
>'What happened?!?
You ask, "What happened?!?"
>peer scott #1
You peer quizzically at Scott #1
Scott #1 struggles to stand, but fails.
Scott #1 mumbles something you don't quite catch
Scott #1 gasps
Scott #1 exclaims, "Look out....hidden....behind you!"
An old pizza slice leaps from hiding to attack! An old pizza slice swings a moldy, jagged-edged pizza crust at you!
(AS: +180 vs DS: +175 with Avd: +36 + d100 roll: +14 = +55)
A clean miss.>'Eek!
You exclaim, "Eek!"
>stance off
You are now in an offensive stance
>at slice
You swing your glittering steel keychain at an old pizza slice!
(AS: +225 vs DS: +110 with Avd: +36 + d100 roll: +97 = +248)
...and hit for 117 points of damage! Wicked slash to the side removes a goodly piece of peperonii...ouchies! An old pizza slice is knocked to the ground!
An old pizza slice is stunned!
Round time: 5 seconds>ambush slice crust
You swing your glittering steel keychain at an old pizza slice!
(AS: +225 vs DS: -10 with Avd: +36 + d100 roll: +100 = +351)
...and hit for 253 points of damage! Brilliant bladecraft sends crust and sauce flying...hmmm, no brain at all! The old pizza slice squishes evilly one last time and goes still.>'What the heck is going on here!?!
You exclaim, "What the heck is going on here!?!"
Scott #1 struggles to stand, but fails.
Scott #1 struggles to stand, but fails.
Scott #1 struggles to stand, but fails.
Scott #1 screams!
Scott #1 says, "I have no idea...they just came out of nowhere!"
(Scott #1 mumbles something about "cleaning this place more often...")
An empty beer bottle just arrived.
An empty beer bottle just arrived.
>glan beer
You glance at an empty beer bottle
>raise eye
You give your eyebrow a little workout
>clench fist beer
Your body tenses slightly as you tighten your grip on your glittering steel keychain and glance at a beer bottle.
>'.....Hello....
You say, "....Hello...."
>smile darkly
You smile darkly
An empty beer bottle begins to shiver violently!
An empty beer bottle hurls a stream of rancid yeast at Scott #1!
(CS: +90 - TD: +60 + CvA +25 +d100: +98 = +153)
Tolerance failed! Scott #1's eyes glaze over slightly... He is stunned!An empty beer bottle charges at Scott #1
! (AS: +200 vs DS: -70 with Avd: +40 + d100 roll: +48 = +358)
...and hits for 233 points of damage! Massive shot to the head caves skull in completely! Oh the humanity...*Scott #1 just bit the dust!
*Scott #1 drops dead at your feet!
An empty beer bottle cackles gleefully!
You hear the ghostly voice of Scott #1 say, "Damn...I KNEW that was gonna hurt..."
You hear the ghostly voice of Scott #1 say, "
" >gawk
Your jaw drops
>growl
You do your best impersonation of a grizzly, scaring people for miles around!
>'OK...now it's MY turn!
You exclaim, "OK...now it's MY turn!"
>at first bottle
You swing a glittering steel keychain at an empty beer bottle!
(AS: +225 vs DS: +170 with Avd: +36 + d100 roll: +68 = +209)
...and hit for 64 points of damage! Deft swing catches the beer bottle mid-label!
An empty beer bottle is knocked to the ground!
An empty beer bottle is stunned!
Roundtime: 5 secondsYou hear the ghostly voice of Scott #1 say, "Um...I know this may be a bad time to ask, but do you happen to have a flask on you?"
A crumpled fast food bag pounds into view!
An empty beer bottle stands back up with a grunt.
>glan bag
You glance at a cumpled fast food bag
>'Ruh, roh...!
You exclaim, "Ruh, roh...!
An empty beer bottle charges at you!
(AS: +200 vs DS: +70 with Avd: +40 + d100 roll: +5 = +175)
...and hits for 33 points of damage! Minor strike to the knuckles...more annoying than anything else.An empty beer bottle begins to shiver violently!
An empty beer bottle hurls a stream of rancid yeast at you!
(CS: +90 - TD: +60 + CvA +25 +d100: +87 = +142)
Tolerance failed! You eyes glaze over slightly... You are stunned for 5 rounds!You hear the ghostly voice of Scott #1 say, "No!!! Scott!
>'ACK!!!
You are still stunned
A crumpled fast food bag stomps at you!
(AS: +275 vs DS: +50 with Avd: +40 + d100 roll: +38 = +303)
...and hits for 85 points of damage! Well-aimed kick snaps femur like a twig! You fall to the ground, screaming and grasping your mangled left leg!You hear the ghostly voice of Scott #1 exclaim, "Scott! Get out of here! Fast!
>'Um...I'd really love to, but I'm kinda stunned!
You are still stunned
>growl
You are still stunned
>grumble
You are still stunned
An empty beer bottle cackles gleefully!
An empty beer bottle cackles gleefully!
>'Shadup...
You are still stunned
A crumpled fast food bag suddenly reaches down and grabs the lifeless body of Scott #1 by the ankles, lifting him from the ground easily!
>gasp
You are still stunned
>'You wouldn't dare!
You are still stunned
You hear the ghostly voice of Scott #1 say, "What the...? Do I look like a glaes club to you?!?
" You are no longer stunned
>stand
You struggle to stand, but fail
>stand
>stand
>stand
>stand
>stand
You struggle to stand, but fail
You struggle to stand, but fail
You may only have 1 type-ahead line
>'Come on! Let me up!!!
You exclaim, "Come on! Let me up!!!
>stand
You stand back up Roundtime: 15 seconds
>gawk
Wait 8 seconds...
>'Oh great...
You say, "Oh great..."
A crumpled fast food bag swings the lifeless body of Scott #1 at you!
(AS: +275 vs DS: +70 with Avd: +30 + d100 roll: +82 = +317)
...and hits for 105 points of damage! Solid blow to the chest takes you off your feet and sends you careening into the far wall! Plaster chunks anyone?*You drop dead!
*You just bit the dust!
A crumpled fast food bag howls with delight!
You wonder whether or not the gods owe you any favors...departing in 10 minutes.
>'I hate when that happens...
You say, "I hate when that happens...
" ~fin~
Well...th-th-th-th-that's all folks!
-- Scott
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